booooring

for doing nothing, i sure am busy.

we've been having some difficulties with atticus. of the "i'm two" variety. nothing really big, it's just that butting heads with a little person can be explosive. and exhausting. he's really been goin' at it with david.

tonight i asked him if he'd like to hang out with us, or go to church to see friends. stupid question, apparently. he went from fussing and whining to smiling, mid-whiney sentence. we dropped him off at pioneer's club at church for 2 hours. and it was nice. and i feel like a terrible mom for even writing that.

i guess for my whole life i've been surrounded by great stay-at-home-mamas. now that i am one, i seek others out, read about them, get advice from them, read books by them. you get the idea. i don't really know how to say what i'm thinking without just saying it. ha. so here it is. it's hard for me - really hard - to avoid judging other moms. i HATE that about myself, but there it is, in black and white, and it's true. i think that most familial problems could be solved by just slowing down, staying home, and really looking at your kids until you get to know the world from their perspective. and maybe that is sometimes true, but sometimes it isn't, and i (obviously) don't know when it is and when it isn't, especially for families who aren't mine.

tonight atticus was easier. he wanted to play by himself for 15 minutes (!) when we got home. no fits, no timeouts, no whining. (of course, he's still having a terrible time getting to sleep, but that's a different story...) which brings me to the conclusion that he's bored. which brings me, circularly, to my first sentence. i'm busy. i almost never stay at home all day. how can he be bored?! we go meet david for lunch, we go to mom's pool with cousins, we have briggs over and vice versa, we go to sunday school, we grocery shop, we go to parks, we go go go.

in conclusion. is it ME? he's tired of me? cuz all of this brilliant stay-at-home-mom philosophy says that i am best for him, period. that we are connected, and that, while socialization is great and important, mom-time and home-time is too. aaaand i guess that answers my own question. that he needs both. it's just that i thought he was getting plenty action. after all, he's shy (which i'm thinking i've been also wrong about all this time...). he needs lots of down time (NOT!). all this to say, i had an aha! moment tonight.

thanks for reading.

both of you.