We're moving to Denver in a little over a week. We've wanted to move pretty much the whole 8 years we've been married, and we're so excited. David has an awesome chance to expand his business and we found a perfect (for us) little duplex to rent in a neighborhood that I adore. If you need me for the next year, I'll be out walking, drinking good coffee, shopping, and eating at cute local places. :)
The only downside is this house of ours. We bought it when we were 22 year old newlyweds, and we've been through a lot together in this place since then. I had both my babies here, we've been through countless marriage ups and downs, we've each been through jobs and starting our own businesses. We've had great times out on the deck with friends and lots of room for people to share our home. But now, we have to walk away from it. We listed it with a short sale realtor because the foundation problems make us $40,000 upside down. It's confusing for me. I've put everything I have into this place for 8 years. How many thousands of times have I cleaned the kitchen, wiped fingerprints and muddy paw-prints from the walls and floors, how many countless hours have I spent pulling weeds in the yard while I watch the kids play? But now none of that matters, because the place is in pretty bad shape. Putting everything I had into here wasn't enough because I didn't have money. No amount of cleaning and caring for a home is good enough without money to repair and update. But even now that the realtor told us "nothing matters, you'll just get the bank more money if you fix anything," for some reason I can't just quit. I still care about it. This is where we'll drive past in years to come and tell the kids, "you were born there." I'll wonder about who lives here now and if they're happy here. When we bought this place, the cute little old lady told me how happy she was here with her husband who had passed away a few years earlier, and she prayed that we would be happy here, too.
Thursday, May 9, 2013
Monday, February 25, 2013
this n' that
Today I got my brain back from the depths of despair. Not really. I just like it in the movie Anne of Green Gables when she talks about the depths of despair through her veil of newly-dyed green hair.
But really, I do feel somewhat like myself again for the first time, oh, since I blogged last. My sweet adorable baby girl gave up sleeping 5 months ago, but she seems to be getting her groove back (I HOPE). Crazy what sleep deprivation does to you. That stuff is no joke. Side note applicable to the past month: who knew that real-live influenza lasts 12 days to a month?!? For each person? Like if a family of four gets it, say goodbye to life for 6 weeks-ish. Sheesh. Glad that's over, too.
And now, life: we're moving to Denver May 1st! After living in this little city for most of our lives, and in this house for most of our marriage, we're makin' it happen. We've wanted to move and looked for opportunities, and this awesome one suddenly fell into our laps, and all the pieces seem to be lining up just right, too. David will be the in-house lab for a "bio-dentist," one of just a few in the nation who does specialized holistic care. I'm super excited for life in the big city. I think the change will help us grow, as a family and as individuals.
I sure missed my babies' personalities while they were sick. Olive will be 1 in just 7 weeks! She says Mama, Da, bup (up - that one is hilarious), oof oof (woof), and makes the elephant sound. She also copies every sound we make, like blowing on hot food, coughing, etc. She climbs up and down everything, including the couch for the first time today! I think walking will still take awhile though.
Atticus's new thing is removing clothing. Every time we walk in the door, he walks to his room, shuts his door, and takes off his hat, coat, shoes and socks. Before his bath today, he left the bathroom to shut himself in his room and said, "I'm going to turn into bath Atticus." He then came back naked and climbed in the bath. He tells awesome stories, makes a mean pretend sandwich, and looooves going to church to play with his friends. I know it's cliche, but they grow up so fast.
But really, I do feel somewhat like myself again for the first time, oh, since I blogged last. My sweet adorable baby girl gave up sleeping 5 months ago, but she seems to be getting her groove back (I HOPE). Crazy what sleep deprivation does to you. That stuff is no joke. Side note applicable to the past month: who knew that real-live influenza lasts 12 days to a month?!? For each person? Like if a family of four gets it, say goodbye to life for 6 weeks-ish. Sheesh. Glad that's over, too.
And now, life: we're moving to Denver May 1st! After living in this little city for most of our lives, and in this house for most of our marriage, we're makin' it happen. We've wanted to move and looked for opportunities, and this awesome one suddenly fell into our laps, and all the pieces seem to be lining up just right, too. David will be the in-house lab for a "bio-dentist," one of just a few in the nation who does specialized holistic care. I'm super excited for life in the big city. I think the change will help us grow, as a family and as individuals.
I sure missed my babies' personalities while they were sick. Olive will be 1 in just 7 weeks! She says Mama, Da, bup (up - that one is hilarious), oof oof (woof), and makes the elephant sound. She also copies every sound we make, like blowing on hot food, coughing, etc. She climbs up and down everything, including the couch for the first time today! I think walking will still take awhile though.
Atticus's new thing is removing clothing. Every time we walk in the door, he walks to his room, shuts his door, and takes off his hat, coat, shoes and socks. Before his bath today, he left the bathroom to shut himself in his room and said, "I'm going to turn into bath Atticus." He then came back naked and climbed in the bath. He tells awesome stories, makes a mean pretend sandwich, and looooves going to church to play with his friends. I know it's cliche, but they grow up so fast.
Thursday, October 18, 2012
a breath and a prayer.
i don't know how or why, but over the last couple of weeks i've felt the ol' PPD lifting, and tonight, i suddenly feel alive, and Hello World! it's nice to see you. suddenly i can do this mothering thing, and i can leave my babies for a few hours and come back so ecstatic to see them, and maybe now i won't completely suffocate and drown without his ever-present, evident adoration. and all of this is very odd because there are so many sad things today.
late-term abortion. a momma 20 weeks (aka very visibly) pregnant with precious twin girls, who simply didn't want any more girls (she has enough). and through countless offers to adopt her little ones, she still admitted she had no compassion for them, and went through with it. i pray that You will hold them (all of them). nurture them, care for them, love them and wait for them. and for her heart. save her.
my bff's faith crises. she believed, until she felt hurt, alone, and uncared for. she volunteered and she cared until she realized no one cared for her. and now her own mind is her god, and "the universe" and a small ceramic buddha will give positive energy back to her. she asked if i'll try to convert her back; i said of course. if i've ever loved her at all (i do), i will talk and explain and care and pray. she asked if i think she's going to hell; i said i hope not. save her.
back to mothering. one of the reasons we are meant to do it is so that we can know You better. i never understood sacrifice like i do now. i can almost daily watch my body deteriorate as i give life to these new bodies. they mature and grow more beautiful as i decay. sounds a little dramatic, but i don't know how else to say it. what an amazing cycle.
late-term abortion. a momma 20 weeks (aka very visibly) pregnant with precious twin girls, who simply didn't want any more girls (she has enough). and through countless offers to adopt her little ones, she still admitted she had no compassion for them, and went through with it. i pray that You will hold them (all of them). nurture them, care for them, love them and wait for them. and for her heart. save her.
my bff's faith crises. she believed, until she felt hurt, alone, and uncared for. she volunteered and she cared until she realized no one cared for her. and now her own mind is her god, and "the universe" and a small ceramic buddha will give positive energy back to her. she asked if i'll try to convert her back; i said of course. if i've ever loved her at all (i do), i will talk and explain and care and pray. she asked if i think she's going to hell; i said i hope not. save her.
back to mothering. one of the reasons we are meant to do it is so that we can know You better. i never understood sacrifice like i do now. i can almost daily watch my body deteriorate as i give life to these new bodies. they mature and grow more beautiful as i decay. sounds a little dramatic, but i don't know how else to say it. what an amazing cycle.
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
booooring
for doing nothing, i sure am busy.
we've been having some difficulties with atticus. of the "i'm two" variety. nothing really big, it's just that butting heads with a little person can be explosive. and exhausting. he's really been goin' at it with david.
tonight i asked him if he'd like to hang out with us, or go to church to see friends. stupid question, apparently. he went from fussing and whining to smiling, mid-whiney sentence. we dropped him off at pioneer's club at church for 2 hours. and it was nice. and i feel like a terrible mom for even writing that.
i guess for my whole life i've been surrounded by great stay-at-home-mamas. now that i am one, i seek others out, read about them, get advice from them, read books by them. you get the idea. i don't really know how to say what i'm thinking without just saying it. ha. so here it is. it's hard for me - really hard - to avoid judging other moms. i HATE that about myself, but there it is, in black and white, and it's true. i think that most familial problems could be solved by just slowing down, staying home, and really looking at your kids until you get to know the world from their perspective. and maybe that is sometimes true, but sometimes it isn't, and i (obviously) don't know when it is and when it isn't, especially for families who aren't mine.
tonight atticus was easier. he wanted to play by himself for 15 minutes (!) when we got home. no fits, no timeouts, no whining. (of course, he's still having a terrible time getting to sleep, but that's a different story...) which brings me to the conclusion that he's bored. which brings me, circularly, to my first sentence. i'm busy. i almost never stay at home all day. how can he be bored?! we go meet david for lunch, we go to mom's pool with cousins, we have briggs over and vice versa, we go to sunday school, we grocery shop, we go to parks, we go go go.
in conclusion. is it ME? he's tired of me? cuz all of this brilliant stay-at-home-mom philosophy says that i am best for him, period. that we are connected, and that, while socialization is great and important, mom-time and home-time is too. aaaand i guess that answers my own question. that he needs both. it's just that i thought he was getting plenty action. after all, he's shy (which i'm thinking i've been also wrong about all this time...). he needs lots of down time (NOT!). all this to say, i had an aha! moment tonight.
thanks for reading.
both of you.
we've been having some difficulties with atticus. of the "i'm two" variety. nothing really big, it's just that butting heads with a little person can be explosive. and exhausting. he's really been goin' at it with david.
tonight i asked him if he'd like to hang out with us, or go to church to see friends. stupid question, apparently. he went from fussing and whining to smiling, mid-whiney sentence. we dropped him off at pioneer's club at church for 2 hours. and it was nice. and i feel like a terrible mom for even writing that.
i guess for my whole life i've been surrounded by great stay-at-home-mamas. now that i am one, i seek others out, read about them, get advice from them, read books by them. you get the idea. i don't really know how to say what i'm thinking without just saying it. ha. so here it is. it's hard for me - really hard - to avoid judging other moms. i HATE that about myself, but there it is, in black and white, and it's true. i think that most familial problems could be solved by just slowing down, staying home, and really looking at your kids until you get to know the world from their perspective. and maybe that is sometimes true, but sometimes it isn't, and i (obviously) don't know when it is and when it isn't, especially for families who aren't mine.
tonight atticus was easier. he wanted to play by himself for 15 minutes (!) when we got home. no fits, no timeouts, no whining. (of course, he's still having a terrible time getting to sleep, but that's a different story...) which brings me to the conclusion that he's bored. which brings me, circularly, to my first sentence. i'm busy. i almost never stay at home all day. how can he be bored?! we go meet david for lunch, we go to mom's pool with cousins, we have briggs over and vice versa, we go to sunday school, we grocery shop, we go to parks, we go go go.
in conclusion. is it ME? he's tired of me? cuz all of this brilliant stay-at-home-mom philosophy says that i am best for him, period. that we are connected, and that, while socialization is great and important, mom-time and home-time is too. aaaand i guess that answers my own question. that he needs both. it's just that i thought he was getting plenty action. after all, he's shy (which i'm thinking i've been also wrong about all this time...). he needs lots of down time (NOT!). all this to say, i had an aha! moment tonight.
thanks for reading.
both of you.
Friday, July 13, 2012
i'm... melting
Boy, did we have ourselves a day around here.
Olive spent a couple hours crying this morning, so I finally put them in the car and got some coffee. She fell asleep quickly, and so did Atticus, but he woke up when I got home. And then he spent the next 2 1/2 hours crying. First over the fact that we were no longer in the car, then he wanted to go to the park, then he wanted to go to daddy's office, then it was because I ate my hotdog. i mean, i've got a little cabin fever too, but come on, bro.
it's hard to stick to what i believe about parenting on these days. when he's falling apart, he needs more of me, not less. but all i want to do is GET AWAY. i don't want to lay down by him, hug him or hold him while he cries and screams. it's loud. i don't want to be patient and understanding when he's completely irrational. but i'm pretty sure both of our lives would have been a lot easier today if i had.
after his fit marathon, he gave me hope again. i was on the phone with david, and i started to cry because i was just so tired and frustrated, and atticus said, "oohh, you're so sad? did you get hurt? where does it hurt? right here? me kiss it?" and then i was really glad that i hadn't completely lost it with him earlier. and i wished i'd been a lot nicer. but i was doing my best. don't you wish that your best was always good enough???
Olive spent a couple hours crying this morning, so I finally put them in the car and got some coffee. She fell asleep quickly, and so did Atticus, but he woke up when I got home. And then he spent the next 2 1/2 hours crying. First over the fact that we were no longer in the car, then he wanted to go to the park, then he wanted to go to daddy's office, then it was because I ate my hotdog. i mean, i've got a little cabin fever too, but come on, bro.
it's hard to stick to what i believe about parenting on these days. when he's falling apart, he needs more of me, not less. but all i want to do is GET AWAY. i don't want to lay down by him, hug him or hold him while he cries and screams. it's loud. i don't want to be patient and understanding when he's completely irrational. but i'm pretty sure both of our lives would have been a lot easier today if i had.
after his fit marathon, he gave me hope again. i was on the phone with david, and i started to cry because i was just so tired and frustrated, and atticus said, "oohh, you're so sad? did you get hurt? where does it hurt? right here? me kiss it?" and then i was really glad that i hadn't completely lost it with him earlier. and i wished i'd been a lot nicer. but i was doing my best. don't you wish that your best was always good enough???
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
pilates on the couch.
i like pilates.
like, a lot.
i do pilates-ish things all day long, every day. it's a bit difficult, shall we say, to find uninterrupted time to exercise with a new baby and a two-year-old, but pilates does interruptions just fine, thank you.
for example:
as i'm sitting on the couch typing this, i'm practicing my breathing.
like, a lot.
i do pilates-ish things all day long, every day. it's a bit difficult, shall we say, to find uninterrupted time to exercise with a new baby and a two-year-old, but pilates does interruptions just fine, thank you.
for example:
as i'm sitting on the couch typing this, i'm practicing my breathing.
how to practice pilates breathing:
- place your hands on your ribs.
- breath in deeply and feel your rib cage expand.
- breath out quickly and forcefully through pursed lips and feel your ribs constrict. imagine you're putting on a corset, and breathing out so you can get it really tight.
- get ready for wonderfully sore intercostals (muscles you may not have known you had), and better posture!
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
kiddos
some firsts today:
my girl started smiling a little later than atticus did, but now she doesn't ever stop. she loves to be talked to (and talking back!) and she started making little laughing noises today.
i love having a girl. i'm excited to be able to relate to her a little differently than my boy. i mean, i love to watch him play, but i don't personally love guns, superman, or throwing the ball for the dogs (and he does it for hours!). i do, however, love pretty things and shopping and dancing and baking and reading. and i wonder what she'll love. before i had kids, i was always afraid that i wouldn't end up really liking them. i knew i'd love them, but i thought that they might be weird (i'm a pessimist, as you know). or gross. or boring. or something. anyway, i'm very happy to report that i think they're pretty much the coolest people i've ever met.
atticus changed olive's baby doll's diaper, complete with wipes. he also poked olive in the eye, but then made her smile. she's really starting to watch him a lot and be interested in what he's doing and holding. (in fact, i pointed out to him that she was interested in what he was holding, which in turn led to the poking of the eye incident. which i hope was an accident. because my kids love each other. and will never ever ever hurt each other on purpose. right?!) i mean, look at them.
my girl started smiling a little later than atticus did, but now she doesn't ever stop. she loves to be talked to (and talking back!) and she started making little laughing noises today.
i love having a girl. i'm excited to be able to relate to her a little differently than my boy. i mean, i love to watch him play, but i don't personally love guns, superman, or throwing the ball for the dogs (and he does it for hours!). i do, however, love pretty things and shopping and dancing and baking and reading. and i wonder what she'll love. before i had kids, i was always afraid that i wouldn't end up really liking them. i knew i'd love them, but i thought that they might be weird (i'm a pessimist, as you know). or gross. or boring. or something. anyway, i'm very happy to report that i think they're pretty much the coolest people i've ever met.
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